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It's Thanksgiving Day and despite our reputation as a cynic (and that's the _nicest_ thing they call us), we do have some things to be thankful for:

* The queen didn't have more children.
* The John Bobbitt video hasn't been picked up as a Fox miniseries.
* The Vampire wasn't interviewed by Rush Limbaugh.
* No parenting books, yet, from Michael and Lisa Marie.
* Eighty-two days before Roseanne's next marriage.
* Richard and Cindy have not issued a "we're straight and monogamous" CD-ROM.
* No Christmas CD from Fabio.
* Shannen Doherty isn't dating Mickey Rourke, yet.
* Tiny Tim didn't run for Congress.
* No shocking revelations about The Cowsills.
* Madonna has run out of genders.
* No "Heck Freezes Over" reunion tour by The Archies.
* Barney is not on the Internet.
* Joey Buttafuoco isn't hosting a talk show. * No tell-all autobiography from Bubbles the Chimp.
* No big-screen remake of "Three's Company."
* That the rich and famous will also continue to be outrageous.
Otherwise we'd have to get real jobs.