An investigative team from the Chronicle has uncovered a widespread conspiracy for world domination among members of a popular 1960s family rock band, the Cowsills.
“We didn’t realize just what a story we had here,” said Joe Maloney, Chronicle staff reporter. “We thought that we had uncovered something big when we discovered the connections between the Cowsills and a lot of popular rock-and-roll groups today, but when the whole story came out, it was devastating.”
Maloney was referring to an investigation started some months ago when Chronicle editor Buddy Webster noticed a remarkable similarity between the harmonies in Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and the Cowsills’ 1968 hit, “Indian Lake.”
“ ‘Indian Lake’ was originally thought to be a fun, family song,” Webster said. “But some of the harmonies seemed very suspicious, especially in the parts in ‘Rhapsody’ which refer to murder. I thought we had a story.”
Chronicle investigators have uncovered a story, which, now that it can be told, could shake the very foundations of the rock-and-roll business . . .
Careful investigation revealed that not only was Freddie Mercury, of the rock band Queen actually the former Freddie Cowsill from Queens, but that several rock-and roll events could be traced to the Cowsills, including the 1969 rumor that Paul McCartney was dead.
“They thought nothing of trying to devastate the world’s most popular rock band,” said an unidentified source close to the Cowsills. “Their goal was the domination of the rock business, and they weren’t afraid to use any means necessary to achieve it.”
“I thought the ‘Paul is dead’ thing wouldn’t pan out, but the Cows, as they became known in the business, knew the fanaticism of the Beatles’ fans,” the source said. “They got McCartney, that’s for sure. But they couldn’t knock him off like they did Morrison, Joplin or Hendrix. You can hear real fear in McCartney’s voice in some of those songs he recorded during that era. He still makes a lot of animal references in his songs. I guess he’ll never get over it,” the source explained.
Although Chronicle investigators were unable to trace the full extent of the Cowsills’ stranglehold on the rock world, new photographic evidence has been made available, through the Freedom of Information Act, and from private sources. This new Information places a Cowsill family member at or near the site of nearly all the “accidents” that have occurred to rock celebrities in the past few years, including the wreckage of the planes of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Jim Croce and even Buddy Holly.
“They’ve always been good with plane accidents,” our source explained. “In fact, the Cowsills used to boast about how their grandfather had piloted the plane that Glenn Miller was lost on back in the ‘40s. I once even heard Elena Cowsill make some veiled references to ‘Amelia.’ I was made to understand that it was Amelia Earhart she was referring t, but I never probed. Their album, We Can Fly was a sort of warning to everybody who would get in their way,” the source said.
The Cowsills were no strangers to the entertainment business, even back in the 1930s, according to Chronicle sources. In fact, Mabel Cowsill was cast as an extra in Gone With The Wind, and Paulo Cowsill narrowly missed being cast in Bedtime for Bonzo before being aced out in the lead role by Ronald Reagan, a family friend who later became very helpful to the Cowsills.
Chronicle reporters have, in fact, found evidence that Joe Cowsill was behind much of the Hollywood blackballing and House Un-American Activities Committee investigations of the 1950s.
“The Cowsills were heavily into politics of entertainment,” stated one source who is still with the Cowsills organization. “In fact, it was through their efforts to bring Joan Crawford that they met then Congressman Richard Nixon and Senator Joe McCarthy.”
Facts confirm that it was Bebe Cowsill, who later changed his name to Rebozo, who approached Nixon with a deal, offering to cast Nixon’s dog Checkers in a film with Lassie called Lassie Meets Godzilla in exchange for Nixon’s help in hurting Crawford’s reputation. Although the deal never came through, and it wasn’t until 1978 that Christina Cowsill, writing a fictitious book while posing as Crawford’s daughter which brought down Crawford’s reputation as a mother, the friendship between Nixon and the Cowsills remained close.
Nixon was not the first of the Cowsill political connections, however, historical research indicates that one of Ullyses S. Grant’s underlings was Rutherford Cowsill, whose nephew, Thomas Cowsill, worked closely with Col. House, close friend and personal advisor to Woodrow Wilson. In fact, sources indicate that it was Thomas Cowsill, in conjunction with other family members, who helped defeat Wilson’s Leagues of Nations plan after having had his Germanic roots revealed by Democratic fanatics in the heat of the anti-German passions during 1917. This bitterness toward Wilson in particular, and American politics in general, led Cowsill to reopen family ties with his German cousins, the Kausills, who had become enamored with a young Bavarian corporal, Adolph Hitler.
“Kausills and Cowsills both were in on the very early planning stages of Hitler’s rise to fame in the early 190s,” states University history professor Klaus Vroomlaurenburgersteinbrenner. “Their influence waned after the beer-hall putsch, when Heinrik Kausill spilled Bavarian brew all over Bormann’s new tunic. After that, they took a somewhat secondary role in the Reich, with Hans and Klaus Kausill playing up to Speer in the famed Speer-Rommel conflict, “ Vroomlaurenburgersteinbrenner said.
The Cowsill-Kausill connection came into play later on when the Marshall Plan came into operation but Germanic pride and familial squabbles eventually destroyed the influence of the Kausills in the Cowsill conspiracy. Kausills did, however, play an instrumental role in spiriting former Nazis to South America, where they interconnected with the Casilez family network in Brazil and Argentina. This family had controlled the elections of both Juan Peron, in Argentina, and Getulio Vargas in Brazil, and was no stranger to political intrigue or international conspiracy.
“The Kausills, Casilezes and their Oriental counterparts, the Kasilukis were all told to bide their time for the great revolutionary push,” said a former Cowsill advisor, now in hiding. “The big organization was in American, but would soon be international, they were told. In fact, when the CFR was formed, what Americans know s the Council of Foreign Relations, very few people knew that the initials stood for Cowsills’ Front for Revolution. Some conspiracy buffs have traced the organizations to the Rockefellers, but the real power lies with the Cowsills,” the advisor said.
“When the attempt to invade the American movie industry failed, the family decided to move into other areas Americans held dear, in order to pervert them,” continued the adviser. “First it was sports, with the family broadcaster, Howard Cowsill, changing his name to Cosell. His friendship with the outcast Muslim rebels from Iran later served him well in corrupting Muhammed Ali and Kareem Abdul Jabbar, but the family could see that the real wave of the future was rock music,” the advisor said.
“Let me just point this out,” our source said agitatedly. ‘It’s no secret that the band Queen is made up of former Cowsills. But when you relate that back to the Cowsill Iranian connection and the release of that hostage, Richard Queen, it’s devastating,” he said.
These muslim connetions later helped the Cowsills in bringing shame upon legislators who had stood in their way, through the Abscowsill, later Abscam, operation.
Although the Cowsills put much of their effort into perverting rock music, they continued to remain active behind political circles, both nationally and internationally. The Japanese Lockheed scandal can be traced directly to the influence of the Kasilucki faction, as well as the plot to get rid of Prime Minister Tanaka, in the early 1970s. The Casilez family has also been linked with Che Guevara Fidel Catro and Desi Arnez.
Perhaps the most shocking of the Cowsill political scandals was in 1970 when Mary Jo Cowsill, whose name was later changed to Kopeckne, tried to dig up dirt on the Kennedy family during a party near the now-famous bridge at Chappaquiddick, Mass. Her demise, although still shrouded in mystery, did not discourage the effort of the Cowsills
In fact, it was through rock connections, latter connected with the famous Cowsill drug ring that the family finally brought down former family friend Richard Nixon.
Jon Cowsill, later to be known as Jon Lord of the rock band, Deep Purple, explained in an exclusive interview with the Chronicle:
“We had originally written the song ‘Indian Lake’ as a drug son, similar to the Byrds’ ‘Eight Miles High’ or John Lennon’s ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.’ But when the lyrics ‘Indian Lake is a place you can take your little ones’ was interpreted as a family song, we saw that we’d failed.”
Although Jon Cowsill later left the Cowsill family organization, it was he (who in a moment of inspiration decided to make a play on the name of his current rock band) who went to Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein with the Watergate story.
“I was Deep Throat.” Cowsill admitted. “I got the dirt on Nixon from a family source, Rose Mary Cowsill, who had changed her name to Woods to escape detection, and I carried it directly to the Washington Post. It was a dirty job, but it paid better than the royalties from Machine Head. I left the organization shortly thereafter, and I’ve been hounded ever since,” Cowsill said.
“Both Ronny and his mother took the name Wood,” stated a confidential source. “But we never thought that the two would ever be suspecte4d, especially after Ronny got a job playing with that upstart, Rob Stewart, back in the ‘60s. It’s true that the big Cowsill hit ‘Hair,’ was originally written for Rod Stewart, until it was discovered that Stewart was bald. Stewart’s album Blondes Have More Fun is indication that he’s become a bit more daring in changing his wigs and writing songs about it, but back then, we had serious doubts about letting such a dynamite song go to a bald singer,” our source said.
“Anyway, when Ronny took the job with the Stones, he was told that once the States had fallen to the Cowsills family plot, he was to help take over Canada. Ronny sort of jumped the gun. While Canadian authorities arrested his fellow Stone, Keith Richards, for heroin possession in a great smokescreen of the Stones’ real purpose, Ronny was wooing Margaret Trudeau in an effort to get to Pierre. He got to him, but Trudeau got dumped in the next election by Joe Clark, the one Canadian politician we couldn’t get to. As soon as Clark was elected, we set about getting Trudeau back into office. We finally did it, our source said.
Our source indicated that the final Cowsill assault is simply a matter of time.