The Cowsills In Magazines

Every one of us has a different idea of who or what that power we call God is. All through history there've been people who claimed God spoke to them, or they saw a vision or watched a miracle being performed, but I never thought it would happen to me!

I never had any reason to doubt God's existence while I was growing up. I knew he was there just as surely as I knew the sun would rise in the morning. Mini-Mom had always taught us that life itself was in God's hands.

A LITTLE HUNGRY

There were many times before we Cowsills made it in show business that we went to bed a little hungry at night or shivered in the dark because the heat had been turned off! There were even times when the loan company tried to repossess our car because we couldn't always make the payments!

But through it all we never lost our belief and faith in God. Mom took us all to church every Sunday and most mornings we went to mass too. But as the Cowsills began to emerge as a name in the entertainment world we didn't have time to go to church every day anymore!

As the months rolled by I saw less and less of the inside of a church and soon I could count on one hand the number of times I went to mass!

I began to give everything I could to our music because I felt that all of YOU deserved the very best! I wrote songs and practiced my music as if life depended on it and when my head hit the pillow at night I was already half-asleep!

But though I worked constantly and began to feel very confident in my musical ability, there was something missing. I became aware of a restlessness inside of me as if I was searching for something more!

By Barry Cowsill

as told to Windi Forrest

EMPTINESS INSIDE

There was an emptiness growing inside of me that threatened to surround me! I couldn't understand it at first and then one day it came to me!

I was all alone in the house that night and the wind outside was blowing frantically! Mini-Mom and Dad had gone to a business meeting to discuss our contract with the recording company. Bob and Paul were out to dinner with their dates and Susan and John decided to take in a movie.

The huge house echoed my footsteps as I paced from room to room. I could feel the restlessness awakening in me so I put on my jacket and stood alone outside in the howling wind studying the few stars that brightened the night! Suddenly I had the strangest feeling—an overwhelming urge to pray!

I dropped to my knees, bowed my head and started to speak aloud, shivering in the wind. But something was wrong! No matter how I tried, I couldn't find the words! Suddenly like a slap in the face it hit me. I had realized what that emptiness inside of me was!

Somehow, I had been accepting what I had received in life without giving thanks. I had begun to take God for granted! My music, songs, career — even all of YOU! I had forgotten who had given me these beautiful things!

DEPRESSED AND BEWILDERED

I rose from the ground and stumbled back to the house, tears blinding my eyes. For a long time I sat staring into the bright fire that crackled back at me. Depressed and bewildered I reached for my guitar and began to strum softly on the strings.

Then, I realized something! I was playing more beautifully than ever before! The music flowed from the guitar as if it were coming from my soul! Inside of me it felt like a giant wave of love was pouring into that emptiness within until it filled me completely and flooded over, soothing the restlessness with a gentle touch!

I believe that at that moment God spoke to me through my music. He had accepted my repentence and forgave me for forgetting him! The feeling was more than I could ever put into words — like discovering you could suddenly walk after being paralyzed!

Ever since then I have felt closer to God. I see him in the beautiful colors of the sunset and in the wild-flowers outside my window. I hear him in the never-ending song of the sea and in the laughter of small children!

But more than this, every time I pick up my guitar to play I am giving thanks to God for the wonderful gift he has given me. My music has become a prayer - a sort of special communication and it's something that reminds me every day that life is truly in God's hands!